Thursday, March 3, 2011

Stupid waiting games; screwing up again.

Ok, so today my mom and my stepdad are out of town for a few days.  My stepdad's mom is still here but she's kind of old and mostly deaf and I'm kinda just hanging around to make sure she doesn't leave the gas stove on and stuff like that.  And I have some money that my stepdad left me with and I wanted to get just a 20.  It never fails though that once I have the house pretty much to myself and the money to get something, nobody can seem to freaking get any!!  I've called everyone that I know and everybody is waiting on someone else.  This is a stupid and annoying game that I have played at least hundreds of times before.  The smart thing to do would just be to call it a night and try again tomorrow.  But of course, I've been looking for hours now and it's so hard to give up.  It's almost like the principle of the thing -- I've been building it up all night now and I feel like I just HAVE to get some now!
    Ok, so Scott, who was my most promising option accidentally pocket-answered his phone when I just called him now.  I could tell from all of the bleep-bleeping and dinging that he's at the casino.  Good thing he doesn't have any of MY money.  I know that I'm probably not going to get any tonight -- I most likely will have to wait until tomorrow.  So I'm going to try and let it go and change into my pajamas and get ready for bed..... I have to just calm down and let it go until tomorrow.  I've been through this before and know that getting all anxious and jonesing for it doesn't really help at all and only makes it more annoying. 
    I'm just going to try and call Scott ONE more time......


Michelle said...

I'm feeling the same way right now because I've been on one for 5 days now and really need to STOP for the fact that I'm down to the residue left in my sac. And also I really need to get some sleep! My mouth is so sore and my face is dry and hair is dried out, I have deep ass bags under my eyes and I cant stop being compulsive. Problem is I cant stop. I feel anxious, frustrated and annoyed. If I don't get another sac tonight then tomorrow it will be physically impossible to wake up and take care of my three year old. I NEED to wake up and take care of my son. That's my responsibility period. Regardless if I'm a dumb ass for relapsing, my son shouldn't pay for my sin and be neglected. So here I am stuck...not knowing what I am going to do.

Random Girl said...

Hey there Michelle - I just saw this comment (as well as your other one)... I've been kind of slacking on the blog lately... on a lot of things actually. But I feel for you. I don't have kids (thankfully!) so I guess I kind of have it easy in the sense that the only thing I have to worry about taking care of is me.
But it does suck once you get stuck in that rut where you feel like you NEED shit in order to maintain. My rut is work. If I stay up most the night and only end up getting an hour or two of sleep then I'm going to be tired and miserable if I don't get a bag to wake me up before I go to work. ( Then I tend to get off work and start the process all over again (lather, rinse, repeat as needed)