Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Rancid Icing On My Poisonous Cake of a Week.

Recap Ok - so as I mentioned in my previous post, I've had a shitty sort of week.  Although the Foo Fighters concert I went to was awesome; that night I ended up losing my purse (with all of the money that I'd saved all the previous week, as well as my ID and all of my makeup....)  Then of course I learned from my sort-of-ex-something-or-other that my friend Brittany Cox (R.I.P.) was murdered about 3 & 1/2 months ago.

Piece de la resistance..
So, of COURSE my week wouldn't have been complete without the other night - when I got fired from my job.

Nobody To Blame But Me    It was my own fault of course.  I sometimes lately tend to bring my "energy drinks" (a.k.a. alcoholic beverages) to work with me in Styrofoam cups with lids.  And honestly, I don't get smashed at work, nor do I show up at work drunk or anything.....
    Some people don't like to go to work until they've had their coffee.  I don't like to go to work until I've had a Mike's Harder Cranberry (or lime) Lemonade...
  Having a drink in the morning is of course popularly believed to be one of the warning signs that someone is an alcoholic....(who decided that anyway?)  And hey - I'll be the first to admit that I definitely have an addictive personality.  But I really don't consider myself an alcoholic.  Not yet anyways.....though I like to think that I've got potential.  (kidding, kidding)
    Seriously though, I've found that when I wake up, the first thing I love to do is is crack open a beer or have a drink.  That is the best drink of the day and my favorite way to start my day..  (somewhere in the world someone in A.A. just fainted.)  It wakes me up and puts me in an easygoing, friendly mood - and a content, frame of mind.  And although I'm very aware of the alcoholic implications of having a drink first thing in the morning - I honestly don't see how in doing so I'm any different from someone who has to have their 1, 2, 3 or more cups of coffee in order to feel like they can function.
    Why is one OK and the other socially frowned upon?

And as for drinking right before I go to work, well, I've found that I tend to get on better with tables and people in general when I've had just that one drink before work.  I seem to find my rhythm so much easier, I make better tips. and  I manage things smoothly; I'm pleasant and friendly with tables, and not a lot really phases me.
And like I mentioned before, I wouldn't ever come to work drunk or anything.

    Am I trying to justify my "behavior" with that sort of thinking/rationale?
    Honestly I don't THINK that I am.

My Manager Nina Goes All Secret Squirrel On Me... I'll skip all the unnecessary details, but here are the key points:
  1. I was a little careless with my cup
  2. Nina (a junior manager) distracted me with some menial task I had to go in the back to do
  3. When I was gone and no one was looking she snagged my cup and hustled it back to the managers' office and hid it there until later
  4. She hurried back up front - and acted just as normal as could be to me
  5. A short time later I noticed the disappearance of my cup, but wrote it off to being accidentally thrown away by one of the bussers
  6. When I came back in for my second shift that night, Phillip said he needed to talk to me (at which point I KNEW something was up but didn't know what)
  7. At the last minute Nina came hurrying into the office too (which both, surprised and annoyed me)
  8. I walked out of there 10 minutes later without a job

Had It Been Anyone Else..
    Had it been ANY other manager, (Kimberly, or Debbie or even the main boss, Phillip) I'm like 98% sure that they probably would've just confronted me and told me that couldn't go on anymore.  Phillip of course would've been REALLY upset and disappointed in me.  But I'm fairly certain that had he alone found it that he wouldn't have fired me.  I honestly think that because it was Nina who found it and went to Phil, and because she followed us into the office to be there when he talked to me, I think that he was put in a really bad situation because it would've been really weird if he DIDN'T fire me.  And when he did fire me he apologized, and told me that he wasn't left with any real options OTHER than to fire me - but he told me that he'd definitely give me a good reference - which means A LOT.

The Whole Story: Nina's Ultimatum   So here's the part I didn't know but learned from Chayce tonight. He's a a guy who I worked with there who I've became pretty good friends with over the past months. He's an awesome guy who's been through a lot of drugs and bullshit like me - even though he's only 18 years old.  ANYWAY, Chayce texted me and asked me tonight if I wanted to go to Barefoot Bob's (a bar) and I said yes. (We both ended up getting pretty smashed lol it was fun)  
  It was on the drive over to Barefoot Bob's that he was telling me was telling me how everyone at work thought it was bullshit what happened to me.  And it turns out that Nina told Chayce and a few other people at work that she'd basically given Phillip an ultimatum and told him that if he DIDN'T fire me she'd quit.
I didn't realize that she was that against me.  Strange.. and vindictive.  I'm glad that Chayce told me that too because now I feel more justified in calling her a fucking snitch in my head and hating on her....

After that happened the other night, I walked to the Albertson's Grocery Store not too far from work, and sat down in a remote area of the parking lot and cried for half an hour.

Once I got that out of my system however, I've been trying to be positive.  I like to believe that old addage, "Everything happens for a reason"  :)  
    Turns out that maybe I'm right.  Because some really interesting things have happened since I got fired.  I will write more about them tomorrow - right now I'm all tired from having all those drinks at the bar with Chayce earlier.  And just every once in a while I like to TRY to go to bed before the sun comes up (doesn't happen very often though.)  Ok.  Till later.....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Whole Lot Of Uninteresting Events, But Foo Fighters Were Cool

Has it been so long?
Wow - has it  really been over a month since I last posted?  I guess so.  I guess I've been spending a little too much time gambling online, which I must admit, I'm finally getting sick of...... I think.   Anyway, I went to see the Foo Fighters down in Phoenix a couple days ago.  That was fucking fantastic!! They are an awesome band and put on a REALLY good show.
   It was  a LITTLE bit weird, because I went with my best friend of 25 years who doesn't do meth or anything anymore.  So I'd decided ahead of time that I wasn't going to bring any with me to Phoenix to do either.  I didn't want to taint what was to be an awesome show with the constant chasing around of my high.  And I didn't want her to notice (which I'm afraid she probably would've if I'd been all tweaked out.)
   The Foo Fighters were INCREDIBLY AWESOME!  Even not being high, I had a fucking awesome time!  She and I were SO close to the stage - probably only about 15 ft  (about 4.57 meters) away from the stage.  And I have such a HUGE crush on David Grohl, (the lead singer who USED to be the drummer for Nirvana.) I haven't been to a concert in over 10 years.  The last concert I went to was back in 2000 (I think?) to see this group called Bauhaus.  (Old 80's goth band) And they were having some sort of resurrection tour.  But when I saw them it was different because nobody I knew even had heard of them.  But THIS was different - it was SO strange and cool to be SO closed to these people who are so famous... And to see them in person as opposed to just on TV!!!
    So that was the GREAT part of my week!  Everything else has, unfortunately sucked.

The Shit That Sucked:

1.) Suspicions at Work -    So sometime last week, my manager Kimberly started a conversation with me that basically went something like "So - I don't want to get you all worried or anything, but there's been some talk lately of people maybe wondering if you're back on drugs.....(blah blah blah etc)"....
   OH SHIT!! and What the fuck?!!! I'm not a spaz at work, in fact, I like to THINK that I actually do pretty good.  However, Kimberly also used to be a tweaker.  And when I say "used to be" it's REALLY STRANGE because I swear to freaking God I've been wondering lately if maybe SHE was back on shit.  Especially considering that her house just got raided about a month ago because they thought her and her fiance' were running a meth lab.  (They didn't find anything though apparently except for a bag of weed.)
   So it REALLY took ME by surprise when I've been kind of looking at her thinking SHE'S been acting kind of strange and then all of the sudden she mentions MY behavior to ME!!

So, stepping back I try to look at my behavior objectively and I think the main thing she mentioned which I totally see is the fact that I've started being late ALL THE TIME.... when I first started there I was always either early or right on time... and I guess people have noticed....

  So that totally freaked me out.  And I had to have a one-on-one talk later that evening with my boss (the general manager) during which I told him that Kimberly and I had this talk and I told him that should this suspicion be floating around then I was more than happy to take a random UA (pee test) to prove my innocence.... This is something (I told him and her) that while not totally ideal for me was also not totally an unreasonable request considering my past and my history.
Meanwhile I'm sitting here thinking about all of the baking soda I'll have to drink in order to test clean if they should actually want me to.  Yech!!!!

2.) Bad Bad News -  So the  other major thing that really sucked this week was while I was down in Phoenix I got some bad news from an old friend of mine.  (Ok, when I say "old friend" I actually mean Guy-who-I-was-totally-in-love-with-who-put-me-through-the-wringer-for-a-year-emotionally-and-who-I-knew-would-have-dope.)  Well, I went through a LOT of trouble to track this guy Gary down, since the last thing I'd done concerning him was to delete his number and all my messages and call history from my phone so that I couldn't break down and call or text him again.  We got together and talked (smoked a couple bowls) and while we talked he revealed to me that our friend Brittany, who was this sweet and trusting girl - just turned 24 - was found murdered a few months ago. They found her body out by some rural freeway is what he told me... although later when I tried to find out anything on line I only found a very brief and uninformative obituary.

This really blew me away.  She and I weren't best friends or anything, but we were good enough friends that I'd stayed over at her house numerous times and that she knew all about my Gary affliction.... She was just one of those kind and trusting girls - who gave most people the benefit of the doubt - and apparently that was her downfall.
   I've cried.  I've been angry.  But most of all I've been disappointed in the human race in general; that someone somewhere somehow took advantage of her kind and perhaps too-trusting nature.  She was not unlike myself at that age...

3.) Lost it - literally -  The OTHER thing that sucked this week, was that after the Foo Fighters concert, my friend and I hopped on the Light Rail (It's this new public transportation system in Phoenix, Arizona) but about 10 seconds after having jumped on it, we realized it was the wrong one - it was going the wrong direction and was closing down for the night.  So at the last second we hopped off real quick - although in such a hurry to do so, I left my freaking purse on the damn thing.  Had ALL my makeup in it, as well as $65 and my ID.... So that really screwed me.  I didn't have any money to get back to my home with - and ended up missing a shift at work, as well as having to be stuck down in super-hot Phoenix with no money for 2 days longer than I wanted.

So that's pretty much all - not a whole lot of exciting business to anyone else but me probably, but there it is.  I was SOOO happy to be able to meet up with Bruce today and get a 20 sack.  I was chomping at the bit for one by the time he got here!!!  Now it turns out that out of the remaining 3 rigs (needles) I had left to do some dope with, 3 of the damn things were clogged!!!    My luck has not exactly been fabulous lately - feels like I'm getting all sorts of bad karma or something.... but I don't really feel like I've done anything shady enough to deserve it??? Hmmm..... ok... on that note I'm out   :)