I was going to court with Bobby (even though I REALLY didn't want to - but he threw an absolute tantrum when I said that it was my only day off and I didn't want to spend it in court.) Then basically the short version of the story is that I had dope in my purse that I'd sort of forgotten about. I'd hid the last of this little bag of shit (which had only been a dime to start with) behind my bank card in my wallet. (Something that I'd forgotten I did because I'd done it the day before when Bobby and I had been fighting - having the WORST fight we'd ever had)
Ok let me back up just a little bit. So after Bobby pitched a fit and started making a scene at the MAX train station I begrudgingly let him drag me along to court with him. He'd threatened that I'd be sorry if I didn't 'shut [my] fucking mouth and get on the goddamn train.' And after the fight that we'd had the day before - he was CRAZY and violent and scared the shit out of me - I decided it was best to just be compliant and do what he said for the time being. (More on my "relationship" later. I'm NOT going to stay with this man but it's complicated blah blah...) Anyway, when we were a block or two away from the courthouse I stopped and dug through my purse and got the needle and the dirty spoon that I'd had in there and threw them away. So I thought I'd taken care of everything.
As we entered the courthouse we had to go through the metal detectors and stick everything else (including shoes! Geez!) through the x-ray machine (or whatever that machine is that can see into purses and stuff.) Well the deputy lady stopped me and asked me if she could search my purse. I was thinking that she had probably noticed this little pair of scissors I had that I hadn't thought about and that I wasn't going to be allowed to bring them into the courtroom so I said it was ok if she searched my purse. As soon as she started digging around behind my cards in my wallet I SUDDENLY had this vague memory of maybe sticking that little bit of dope I'd had left back behind one of those cards... Then she pulled it out and my heart just dropped to my stomach.
Long story longer, I was eventually arrested. Thankfully here in Oregon it's not as big a deal as it would have been if I'd been caught back in Arizona. I was actually released "of my own recognizance" the same day, like 5 hours later. In Arizona I would've been in jail for weeks (if I got out at all) and most likely on my way back to prison.
**SIGH**
SO here I am yet again facing being on paper again... Stupid me. And although I know it was my own stupidity for forgetting that I had shit in my purse, I'm REALLY fucking angry at Bobby because it was his selfish/crazy/clingy/demanding - ness that was the reason that I was at the damn courthouse in the first place!!! GRRR!!!!
From bad to worse... So the BEST part of this story is that we have this magazine here in Portland called "Busted" and every week it comes out and it has pictures of EVERYBODY who's been arrested the week before with a caption telling what they were arrested for underneath. I'm of course in there this week with a nice little "Possession of Meth" underneath my pic. Well, I got a text last night from my friend Gabe at work and he just was giving me a heads up that there was a "Busted" magazine someone had brought to work and my face was circled in it and a bunch of people from work were looking at it. So now I'm officially screwed. If I go into work like I'm supposed to tomorrow, I'll most likely get fired. Even if I come up with the world's best defense proclaiming my innocence, everyone that I work with will all look at me differently. And I don't know if I can face that. I just don't fucking know. I'm honestly thinking about just not going in at all tomorrow and just calling it quits for that job.
I DO have another job now that I'm also working - a job that I like much better - but it's only part time. I just don't fucking know what to do! I'm pretty sure that I'm going to pussy out and just not show up for work tomorrow, but then how do I get my paycheck which I'm supposed to get on Tuesday? I can't not show up for work and then just waltz in the next day and ask for my paycheck. Aaargh. Fuck fuck fuck! The stupidest thing is that I knew that it would eventually end badly if I continued down this road. No one to blame really but myself. Silly rabbit. Fuck.
