Wednesday, April 25, 2012

My Very Own Stalker - And Oh Yeah I'm Neurotic

   So when I first started to write this post last week I ended up rambling on for about 3 pages about this whole Bobby fiasco. So I erased the whole post and decided to start it again, this time just touching on the key points. So here's the a brief summary:
   I sort of got together with this guy Bobby for about a week and a half (maybe two weeks). And then I spent the next 2 weeks breaking up with him.
   Initially I didn't really want things to go as far as they went between us. I told him right from the beginning that
  1. I'm quite content right now being single
  2. That I heavily guard my privacy
  3. That I like to be alone and have my space...OFTEN.

I also told him that since I didn't want things to get weird or complicated and since I didn't really know what I wanted or was looking for that I wanted to take things REALLY slow... then 2 nights later I slept with him.
   Usually I'm pretty selective about who I sleep with and I totally intended to not sleep with him early on if at all. But I swear the physical chemistry between the two of us is ridiculously super-charged. I can honestly say that I don't think any other guy has ever been able to get me all riled up the way that he does. It's awesome but it just complicates things, because as it turns out he's sort of a psycho.

Right after we slept together things moved so fast. All of the sudden he was introducing me as his old lady and getting all jealous if I talked to other guys (or if they talked to me) and he started being all controlling and possessive. Plus he wanted to spend like every waking second with me and didn't understand the concept of how to give me my space and alone time when I asked for it. So I broke it off with him (or tried to at least) and he totally freaked out on me. He got really angry and called me a bitch and a whore and then asked me who the fuck the other dude was. Then a couple of minutes later he was crying and begging me to forgive him and please to give him another chance. Then he fucking got angry again and then he cried again etc. And in the end he warned me that if he saw me walking around with any other guy he'd beat him down.
   Even though I told him nothing was going to happen between us he'd still call me 4 or 5 times a night, and come knocking at my window multiple times during the day and middle of the night. I sort of took to creeping around my room in the dark being all quiet when I got off of work so that he wouldn't know I was home. And I started going to different bars - ones that I'd never seen him at - but he usually finds me anyway....
   Now to be fair, I probably could've been a lot meaner to him. But I was TRYING to stay friends with him - I DO actually like the guy - and I've also been trying to keep things civil between us so that he doesn't try to retaliate in some way because he feels scorned or rejected. And then more recently, I've called him a few times. Like when I needed a bag, or a last minute ride to work, or a few bucks to gamble with. And while I've remained firm about the fact that I'm not looking for anything right now, I've also been REALLY wanting to sleep with him again (we haven't since I first broke things off with him)

Wanting What I Can't Have?   So to bring it all back around, a few days ago all of the sudden Bobby stopped calling me and hadn't stopped by in a while... So on a hunch I looked online to see if he was in jail and sure enough he is. And now here's the weird thing - all night long tonight I've been annoyingly aware of the fact that I kinda miss him a little! WTF?! A week ago I was tip-toeing around my room in the dark so that he wouldn't know I was home and I wouldn't have to deal with him, and now all of the sudden I miss the freaking psycho! GEEZ! I do though - a little bit anyway... but I wonder if it's just because I know that he's unavailable right now. I did like laying next to him - and for the most part he's pretty damn thoughtful.. Damn guy doesn't even have a job, but he's resourceful as hell.... he manages to get dope when I want to get high, and money for beer when I want a drink and we're both broke...
    Then there's Gabe from my work - who's this totally sweet kind generous funny guy who's closer to my age (Bobby is a LOT older than me) and who I have a zillion things in common with. We hang out after work a lot, and we laugh a lot and tonight he and I went out on a date. GREAT freaking guy....NO sexual attraction! AARG!! What the hell is wrong with me?? Of course Gabe doesn't know about this whole hidden part of my life though - which is actually a pretty big part. So Gabe is all falling for me and I'm not attracted and meanwhile my stalker's in jail and I'm missing him....
   Whatever - here's to being crazy. Cheers.

Friday, April 13, 2012

Squishing Cottons

The Squishing of the Cottons -  I'm all out of dope today, and since I've had like 3 days off in a row I have no money. So I had to resort to squishing cottons... Got me high for a little while at least.

   For anyone who doesn't know about squishing cottons, it's sort of the meth shooter's equivalent of scraping resin out of a weed pipe and smoking it when you're out of bud. Whenever I set up a shot, I draw it up into the needle through a little piece of cotton. Then when the water evaporates the only thing left in the cotton is a little bit of meth residue. (Sometimes a lot if I'm careless or if I intentionally want to have a lot left over in the cotton.) I save all of my cottons and then when I'm out of dope and really want some, I put them all in a spoon, add a little water to them, and squish the crap out of them. Then as I'm squeezing the excess dope out of the cottons I'm simultaneously sucking up the mixture into a syringe that I then inject like normal. Sometimes - if I've saved up enough cottons - I get just as high from them as I would from doing an actual shot of dope.

   (***NEXT DAY NOW***) OK - Well that was yesterday anyway. Today I'm still out of money and out of shit. Thank God I work tonight! I've had 4 days off in a row which is too many! Fortunately a friend of mine is going to do me a favor and loan me some shit.