Saturday, March 5, 2011

Last Day?

Ok, so I had a couple hits left in my light bulb this morning.  I did those and told myself that was going to be all.  But then I ended up going over to Bob's house for a while so that he could burn a couple of bowls with me.  After that I came back home and now here I am wanting to smoke another one. 
    I'm going to try to be strong this time. 
    I have to come down eventually and stay that way for a while.  This whole thing has really gotten out of hand.  When I got out of prison in November, I was saying that there wasn't any way that I was going to risk going back by getting high while still on parole.  Then I broke down one time.  Then about a month later I did it again.  After that it was only about a week later when I did it again.  Then about a week or so ago I ended up going on a 4 or 5 day binge over at Bob's house. 
All I know is that it's been a few weeks now since I've gone longer than a day or two without getting high.
     So, once again, I'm trying to remind myself to be strong.  This is not a path I want to keep walking down.  It's not very likely that I'll turn my life around for the better if I start tweaking again all the time. 
    So here's to me being strong........

1 comment:

Dani said...

Wwll just know that you arent the only one, girl. Me and my old man are truck drivers and we had actually stopped callin the dope man everytime we got within 100 miles of home. We were makin killer money, moved up to a brand new truck (with very high truck payments) and were doin the things we needed to be. Then we fuck up and go on about a 7 day binge at the house. Leave back out without ANY sleep. I cried and prayed and felt guilty for about 2 weeks. We got too much to lose you know?? About a month later we were comin home for thanksgiving and I couldnt do anything except for bitch about how long the last few hundred miles were takin to get there! I couldn't wait for that shot of that shit I HATE yet ADORE at the same time! Its the devil, girl. No good AT ALL comes from it. Ever..not for anyone. So why is it so hard to just not fuckin do it???