Ok - Just a quick post (I think.) I have really gotten out of control with this whole gambling thing! I mean - this is ridiculous. Everyday I make sure to scurry to the bank immediately after I get off of work so that I can deposit the day's tips. Then every night I keep spending every single dollar that I can.... The last two paychecks I got were completely spent within an hour or two of having deposited them.
I don't spend my money on anything I NEED lately.... I just want to make sure that every dollar I have gets to go towards my gambling habit; a habit which is exacerbated by my meth use. Because lately my favorite thing to do is do a shot and then crack open a Mike's Harder Cranberry Lemonade and log onto one of my casino accounts. Because that's my new favorite pastime - being high and gambling. The little logical voice in my head (the one I never listen to) says that's because when I'm doing both at the same time, I am feeding two addictions at the same time. Double the pleasure double the fun? Geez!
And my newly developed gambling addiction almost takes precedent OVER my meth addiction - which surprised even me. Because the other day when I was almost out of shit, I decided I could go a day or two without since I only had about $25 which is only enough money for me to either by a bag, or make one online deposit - but not both. And I opted for depositing into the casino rather than getting a bag... Weird. (In the end it didn't matter. My friend gave me $50 to get some shit for him and I ended up fronting myself a 25 sack from the 50 sack I got for him and now I just owe him the $25)
I looked over my casino deposits online and for last month I blew somewhere in the $400 range and so far this month I've already spent a little over $300!!! That's a lot of money when you're a Lower Tax Bracket Girl like myself! This is just more craziness that I'm dishing out to myself even though I KNOW BETTER!!!
That being said I'm about to log back into the casino right now.
This could be (is?) really bad....
3 comments:
Thanks for sharing your story. There are a lot of people that deal with addictions that destroy their lives. I think you're right that it can only end in disaster. Have you ever thought about where you'll be in a few years? Where will you be when you can't live with your parents anymore? Do you think you'll be in your forties and fifties using drugs and gambling? When your parents aren't paying for you a place to live, how far will you go and to what end will you justify paying rent and feeding your addictions? How long can you go on like this? Where are you going to end up?
What can you do about it?
Ben - Thanks for your input. I of course hope NOT to be in my 40's and 50's using drugs. This is something I think about often. When I was in my twenties, it still seemed like I was young and didn't have to worry because I'd have my act together "by then". However, now that I'm in my 30's, I'm alarmingly aware of my own destructive behavior as well as this feeling I have that the time I have to do something with myself/mylife is running out. How long can I go on like this? Hopefully I'll stop before I have to find that out....
hey random girl. where u gone to. xo lilly
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