Tuesday, November 15, 2011

New Life?

So Many Changes
    Ok, so basically SO many things have happened since I lost my job. One really HUGE thing that happened was that I've moved from Arizona. (Prescott Valley, actually was the "anonymous" town in AZ that I never actually mentioned.) I've moved about 1,218 miles (1,960 kilometers) northwest to the city of Portland, Oregon.
    Basically the day after I got fired, in what I consider cosmically impressive timing, I got a phone call from this guy Skyler who I dated about 5 years ago when I FIRST moved back to Prescott from San Diego, California. Anyway, he heard that I'd lost my job and that I wanted to get out of Arizona, and the very next day bought me a plane ticket to Portland...... And well, here I am.

What's That? No Meth? Who AM I?!!
    So the other news is of course, here in Portland, it's like a fresh start for me, and I haven't used ANY meth, speed, dope, tweak, crank, gear, or whatever you want to call it in nearly two weeks. I thought it would be SO much harder to be away from it than it is. This is partially due to the fact that I'm so happy to be in such a beautiful place and so excited just to be in a NEW place!! Do I miss meth? Absolutely. And truth be told, I'm still not sure that I've washed my hands of it completely. I still talk to Jack a lot, he keeps insisting that he'll send me a "care package" once I get more settled. But for the most part, I don't think that I'm going to be doing a lot more of the meth.
   I'm going to take this opportunity (since this is the longest that I've gone without doing any in about 10 months.) to maybe start doing actual constructive shit with my life... go back to school, etc.

Skyler and Me - Of course being also preoccupied with someone as awesome as Skyler has helped distract me from the meth too. He knows all about my going to prison, and my past, and whatnot, he DOESN'T however, know how recently I was still doing it... which was actually up until the last night before I got on the plane to com here. But he is kind and awesome and accepting and he's fortunately very willing to cover me financially until I get settled in.
    As I mentioned, he and I used to date about 5 years ago, and at THAT time, I was 25 and he was 23.... still very young for both of us. He was the ONLY relationship that I ever had where we agreed that there wouldn't be any commitment, and we sort of had an "open relationship" in the sense that we always knew that we were allowed to sleep with other people. It sounds weird now when I say that, but as I said, it was the ONLY time before or since in which that situation for whatever reason has worked.
    Now of course, before I even agreed to come up here he and I had a discussion about how that definitely WOULDN'T be the case now... and that if we ended up getting back together (which we apparently have, lol) that we would be monogamous. So that worked out famously... and I can say for the first time in a while that I feel rather HAPPY...? It's weird, I'm almost afraid to say that for fear that I'll jinx it. But he and I have agreed that no matter what that we'd be honest with each other and what we're thinking/feeling which so far is going very well. It just happens that he is this one person that I feel like I can be completely open and forthright with. And I'm fairly certain the feeling is mutual. That's what he tells me anyway. :)

To Princess Addiction and Lilly -
    Now I just want to give a shout out to two of my most endearing and favorite readers who both have blogs of there own. I've got love for both of you and hope to continue hearing from you both even though I may not me a random tweaker anymore....

    Princess Addiction, I have been so appreciative of your support and input. It's been awesome. As for finding out you've got Hepatitis C, I'm terribly sorry, and as you know I can sympathize. It's a good reason for us to get angry.. we need to demand change - and although I'm not exactly sure how to go about that, I know it needs to happen.
    Lilly, And to my Australian sister, I'm still keeping up on your blog as well... thank you also for your input... I hope you keep in touch although my blog may not be kept up on quite as much or if it is I don't know if it will be as "interesting" as it is now (is it now? lol)

The Future Of Me And My Blog -
    Well, I guess for the time being my blog entries might be fewer and more far between. I am definitely am in the middle of creating at least one more page for this blog, and that's the page that will explain in detail how to beat a UA by drinking baking soda I'm sorry that it's taken this long for me to get around to it really. I've gotten a few requests recently for that information, and it's useful information that I know that I myself needed many times while on both, probation AND parole. So I'm about halfway done writing that one out, and plan to have it ready within the next day or two - I PROMISE!!
   As for additional blog entries: The original title of this blog, Meth and Me; Diary of a Tweaker claims that this is the blog of a tweaker.... which I don't know if I am any longer. It was originally intended to be a blog that people could refer to and maybe find some sense of familiarity, or maybe possibly learn a thing or two from my own mistakes. And I'm not sure I'd feel right about just continuing to drone on and on about my life when there's no relation to the originally promised subject material. So....? I don't know honestly where this leaves my blog.
    In some ways the idea that I may be leaving my life as a tweaker behind scares me a little...On and off it's become such a part of who I am. And it's something that in it's own fucked up and self-destructive way is a way of life that is comforting and familiar to me. But hopefully I'll find that there are things that are better again... I've been there before and had a good life - for the most part - until I came back to meth.
    That's always the thing too - I seem to always eventually come back to meth. So - I guess I'll see.

-Random Girl

P.S. - The page on how to beat a UA is coming in a day or two! I swear!


Anonymous said...

Dear Random Girl, Congratulations on the change of pace. One thing I have learned over the years is that geographical changes do not work unless your tired of the life you are living. I am glad to here of your determination to "GET RIGHT" with not only yourself but also the way you were living. I know where you come from in that aspect for I was also so deep in the pit that I once referred to as "methanfriendamine". I will be the first to tell you that you can overcome if you don't give up, I have relapse my self so don't give up if you do, and dust yourself off when and if you do. No this is not an NA sponsor or attendee. I wrote a comment to you as "spinning in dixie" or "dixie spinner", which ever one I was curious about the baking soda thing. Just for knowledge purposes. My real name is Chris and I live in Dixie County FL. I came across your blog and it seemed interesting to me because I once lived that life. But life changing experiences and the loss of everything I owned or loved drove me to change. I am enclosing a link to one of my youtube videos, please watch it if you get the time to and leave a comment if you feel comfortable enough to do so.It's kinda preachy at first but please listen to the poem its "right up our ally". The link is " http://youtu.be/qeZBweiJLpk " Its titled "sight to a blind man " the blind man being me. Once again congratulations and good luck. Sincerely, Dixie Spinner

lilly said...

we all have our quiet times and i guess we all want the eventual outcome of being clean from drugs.(hopefully) goodluck and ill always be a loyal follower.
your australian sister
xo lilly

PrincessAddiction1031 said...

Hey chicka! Thanks for the shout out. && CONGRATS on making a change. I've been completely clean almost a month && plan on keeping it that way!!! I hope you decide to stay clean. life may seem boring and dull withoiut it for a while...but after a bit youll get used to being without it again asnd be so much happier! :)

Anonymous said...

Ok so i have passed my ua everytime using this method on parole. Ok so last time Itook it Idid not get diarrhea allthough had the stomach ache and I was all blotted everytime Itake baking soda it gives me diahrrea and Iwanna know if Ididnt shit does that mean anything at all? And does anyone know if Iwill be okay?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous girl,
thank you again for posting all of your experiences online for us to learn from.
And you handle the haters and Confused assholes very well. I'm so happy that you finally are happy yourself without the need of drugs, drugs can take over your life as I'm sure most of us are aware, but drugs can also be something recreationally exciting, as long as you're intelligent about the use and you don't overdo it, which I think you've gotten down to a tee.

Good luck with everything that you do, I have a gut feeling that you will be successful at whatever you try, so shoot for the stars sweetheart nothing can stop you!

You're thankful admire,

Liz J.

Anonymous said...

Im in drug court i smoke meth on a saturday i stared at 3pm nd stop at 1am but i did smoke as much i would only take a couple of hits here nd there nd i would kick bak nd i got a ua on tuesday would i b clean