Thursday, August 18, 2011

Tweaker Brain Strikes Again!

It all started with scratchers -
    Looking back a couple of weeks, I think that it might have all started with scratchers.  I love these damn little crossword puzzle scratchers you can by at Circle K.  But I suspect that the scratchers are what gave me the "casino fever."  I had some extra cash, I had dope, I was high, and I wanted to gamble.     The town I live in has 2 casinos but I've been banned for life from both of them (real stupid story that I'll share another time.)  So, the nearest place with a casino is in a nearby town about a 45 minute drive from where I live.  Not going to happen without a car.

Me and my bright ideas
    Apparently, at some point I decided it would be a good idea to try an online casino....
I haven't been able to keep my bank account in the black ever since.  I must have overdrawn it like 4 times in the last week and a half.

This is ONE DAY of my bank activity.. I've got
pages & pages online like this.

Part of the problem stems from the fact that with an online casino, I don't even have to leave my machine when I want to go get high.  I can set up a shot for myself and do it all while continually pressing the 'Spin' button on my laptop.

What Paycheck?
    Yep - pretty sure that I got my paycheck on Monday night and it was ALL GONE before the sun came up Tuesday morning.  And the whole stupid time I just kept sitting there thinking  'This is stupid.  I need to stop playing this stupid shit... Really.. this is stupid.... Dammit!'  And even when I DID actually get a lucky bonus and won $250, I was so excited that I started betting all crazy and within minutes - literally minutes I was down to $65.  And of course then I was so annoyed with myself for losing so quickly that I became determined to "win it back." (Yeah, Guess how that worked for me.)

Overdrawn again.... 
    And the stupidest part is that I can't wait to get money back into my account so that I can play some more!  This is ridiculous..... Something about gambling though, when I'm high... it's just SO much fun.  Even when I'm losing - which is often - I guess because there's the potential to win.  Yet, the times that I DO win anything substantial (like anything over $100) I can't get myself to break away and leave a casino with the money.  I can't seem to leave a casino until I have absolutely NO MONEY WHATSOEVER left.... and even then I'm trying (usually unsuccessfully) to scheme up ways to come up with even another dollar.  Geez.....   And if that's true for going to an actual casino, it's even more so for being at an online one.  Because I don't ever have to leave when my ride wants to go home - I'm already at home - with a beer in my hand and my debit card in the other...
Sheesh.  I really like to make things difficult for myself.

That's all for now, class.  Tomorrow we'll be discussing men and my ability to drink too much, and get all hypersensitive and over-analytical....


Jon said...

Thanks for the comment. Enjoyed your honest writing about gambling and meth.

Anonymous said...

really enjoying your blog. keep it up!